Delayed gratification….F that
I had a weird run-in with a "professional" this past summer: I was seated next to a woman named Carol on a three-hour flight. Upon learning I was an incoming MS1, her eyes lit up with the distinct glimmer of someone who sees not a person, but a future high-income annuity. Carol, it turned out, was a financial advisor.
For the next two hours, she explained, with the aid of several disconcertingly cheerful pamphlets, that the most important thing I could do was start planning for the future. Same topic kept coming up: Whole life insurance (ahem).
“It’s not just insurance, it’s an investment,” she explained, tapping a graph where a green line crept upwards at a pace that made continental drift look reckless. “You’re building a cash-value asset that will secure your retirement.”
“That’s fascinating,” I said (hiding my contempt). “Right now, my most valuable asset is a profound ability to nap anywhere. The main catastrophe I need to insure against is lack of fun in medical school. Does this policy cover that?”
Carol’s smile didn’t falter, a testament to years of professional training (and BS’ing future docs, I'm sure). “It’s about delayed gratification,” she countered. “You sacrifice now so that your future self can live comfortably.”
But the more she talked about this mythical "future self", the more I realized her philosophy was perhaps flawed (well, at the very least her Whole life insurance was horse manure). It painted life as a binary choice: you can either be a responsible steward of your future wealth or you can be a degenerate who spends money on "experiences." This is, of course, nonsense. The goal isn't to die with the highest possible score. The goal is to not live a life that makes you wish you were dead (Sadly, I've shadowed plenty of attendings who are the latter).
That conversation was the catalyst. In an effort to combat Carol's dreary philosophy, I spent a weekend not doing Anki cards and instead built a calculator. It is not a calculator for saving. It is not a calculator for budgeting. It is a calculator for justifying. I call it The Splurge-o-Meter.
The premise is deviously simple. You input your soul-crushing debt, your income, your interest rate, and your basic expenses. Then, there is a slider labeled "Monthly Splurge Amount." As you slide it, the calculator tells you how much longer it will take to pay off your debt. I decided to send the link to my new friend, Carol.
There is always a narrow path to happiness…like grand canal through venice (taken 2 summers ago on trip with buddies)
Here is how the email exchange went:
Me: Carol, I’ve built a small tool for financial modeling. Imagine that I was an attending, and I am considering a trip to Peru next year. To save up the $6,000 for it, I'd need to set aside an extra $500 a month, which I'd put into the "splurge" fund. The calculator indicates this will delay my loan payoff by roughly 14 months. This seems like an acceptable trade for seeing Machu Picchu before my knees turn to dust. Does this analysis track?
Carol: WCL, I've reviewed your "Splurge-o-Meter." While the math is correct, the philosophy is concerning. A one-time expense of $6,000 isn't the real issue. The real issue is the additional $2,700 in interest you will accrue over that extra 14-month period. You would be paying $8,700 for a $6,000 trip. The financially prudent decision is to pay down your principal aggressively now and travel when you are debt-free.
Me: Ah, so there's a $2,700 llama-viewing surcharge. Got it. But my model is also factoring in a less tangible variable: the 'Probability of Future Decrepitude.' My ability to climb a mountain at 35 would be significantly higher than it will be at 65. Does your standard financial software have a module for calculating the future cost of regret, or perhaps a function that offsets accrued interest against the market value of a life well-lived? I’m just trying to get a complete picture.
Carol: WCL, you are comparing apples and oranges. We should focus on concrete numbers and securing your financial future, not abstract emotional concepts. A paid-off loan is a tangible asset. A memory is not.
Me: I disagree. A memory of being airlifted from a mountain in my late sixties because I waited too long is a tangible asset for my children, who will probably have to pay the medical bill. I see this trip not as an expense, but as a preventative health measure, designed to avoid the high cost of future disappointment and orthopedic surgery. From that perspective, it’s practically a bargain. Don't you agree?
Carol has not yet responded.
You can find The Splurge-o-Meter here. Go make your own fantasies.
