RFK (mailorder) MD and Psuedoscience Performative Theatre
It's been a month plus in medical school, and I think I'm getting the hang of this (BS). 1,000/day Anki reviews, histology slides that resemble Rorschach tests rather than columnar cells, and a permanent Formaldehyde stench from the Cadaver lab. Oh, and did I mention the block exam incoming? Living the life!
And yet, nothing—nothing—in my grueling, six-figure-debt education has prepared me for the sheer, galaxy-brained stupidity I’m witnessing in the wild. I’m talking, of course, about the latest public health masterminds who are making premeds look like calm, rational human beings. Which, if you’ve ever seen a premed applying to medical school or their neurotic posts on Reddit, well, you know it is a monumental feat (okay, okay, don't hate dear reader, you may be a premed, and I love you, I was one as well, you will do fine so please worry less and ignore Reddit).
Hot takes!
Let's get to the point. We have Robert F. Kennedy Jr., a man who has apparently completed his medical training at the University of WebMD, with a residency in the Facebook comments section. This intellectual titan is out there diagnosing complex pediatric autoimmune and neurological disorders in children he’s never met. Let me put this in perspective for you. Yesterday, I spent ten minutes trying to confidently identify the spleen on a CT scan (research project, I'll write about later). The spleen. It’s a respectable organ, does its job, but it’s not exactly hiding. I still broke into a cold sweat when the rad resident I'm working with asked me to point it out, half-convinced I’d accidentally identify the patient’s kidney.
Meanwhile, RFK Jr. is slinging around diagnoses like he’s tossing beads at Mardi Gras. It’s a bold new specialty: Tele-quackery. No need for a physical exam, patient history, or imaging. Just vibe-based diagnostics. Does your kid have allergies? Let’s spin the wheel of misinformation and find out! It’s genius, really. Why am I wasting my time learning the biochem and pathways when I could just tell people their problems are caused by “toxins” and call it a day?
But wait, there’s more! Our good Dr. Kennedy (lest you forget, honorary doctorate in ‘Making Shit Up’) isn’t just a diagnostician; he’s also a pharmacist. My professors are out here drilling the mechanisms of action for various unpronounceable molecules into my skull, this shyster is out there championing Ivermectin and Methylene blue to cure all your ailments. Remember the good old days of the pandemic when the cure-du-jour was a drug primarily used to deworm livestock? A brilliant strategy. Why bother with years of randomized controlled trials when you can just see what works on a horse with parasites? It’s… profoundly idiotic. ‘tis all a grift.
Hey RFK…smoke you!
This brings me to our next BSer from the great state of Florida. Florida, a place that continues to be America’s flaccid penis, has decided to boldly venture where no sane society has gone since the 18th century. Their new surgeon general is an MD/PhD from Harvard, whose medical philosophy appears to be based on a deep distrust of anything discovered after the invention of the leech. Bro just decided that vaccine mandates for schools are, you know, optional. Measles. Mumps. Rubella. Polio. They’re diseases that used to kill and maim children with horrifying regularity. We, the people, collectively decided this was a bad thing and invented one of the single most significant medical achievements in human history to stop it. And now, Florida is treating vaccination like it’s the gluten-free option on a menu.
You can imagine a sub-I going to some Florida hospital on a Pediatrics rotation. Attending walks in and says, “Okay, team, this kid presents with a fever, cough, conjunctivitis, and a descending maculopapular rash. What’s our top differential?” And while medstudent from out of state is fumbling through OpenEvidence search, some gunner from Florida will just shrug and say, “Probably liberty.” Godspeed all the pediatricians, specially ID docs btw.
TLDR, here I am, trying to study and be a doctor, while a cottage industry of charlatans and political hacks is actively trying to bring back the plagues of the Middle Ages. WTF.
Honestly, I’m considering dropping out and opening my medical clinic. No license, no problem. I’ll just wear a white coat, BS some medical words, and blame everything on whatever is trending on X. According to the current trajectory of public discourse, I’ll be a millionaire before my student loan payments even kick in spreading misinformation and charging sh!tton for it.
Working out for RFK, why not me?
